the respite before an end
by Ushinatta Neko
Summary: Nagisa, Kayano, and the waiting that eventually becomes tiring. — nagikae?


_a/n: Angst galore! It feels good to write angst again haha. Nagikae is actually a very angst-able pairing._

* * *

Nagisa finds out about it from the tabloids, like any other person, even though he isn't supposed to be _like any other person._

One day he is walking to work and then there, on the front page of every paper is splashed with her pictures and the headlines that read _Mase Haruna_ _taken? Mase finally starts dating! Fans are shocked and demand for an answer!_

He grabs at the most popular magazine and flips through the pages for her article, angrily tossing money at the vendor because he's trying to read here, _he paid so can't she shut up for a second?_ He finally comes upon the article ( _articles_ ) about her and her new _boyfriend,_ printed across two pages in a mocking salute and two more at the back, and Nagisa nearly rips the corner of the page from the force of his flipping.

He actually does, a second later, when he comes across the fifth page in the magazine and sees the blown up photo of the two of them, kissing, in front of her house and the caption that discreetly suggests skin ship and more. She's linking hands with the man who has dark blue hair and probably standing on her toes (because no way she could be that tall) and the photo is grainy as hell and back, but he doesn't have to squint to see the distance (or lack thereof) between their lips.

The corner he's ripped floats down to the ground and the vendor yells at him to pick it up. He glares and she shrinks back, afraid of the young man's suddenly cold eyes. The glossed paper flies away in the wind.

* * *

He calls in sick and asks her out.

It's actually surprisingly easy to do so, because they've kept in contact for the past ten years or so, courtesy of the Class E chat group and most of the time, Nakamura, who constantly pesters them to go to the annual cleanups. Nagisa is too busy and so is she, so they deny her request everytime ( _ten times it has been_ ).

"Kayano," he greets when she slides into the booth a little late and realizes too late his mistake.

He name isn't Kayano Kaede anymore, —

 _(but it never has been)_

— but Yukimura Akari.

He doesn't know what to call her.

She still smiles politely with a tight-lipped smile ((fake)) and orders a vanilla iced tea and he wonders — _since when did she stop smiling at him —_ if she had ran here because her hair is messy and her sunglasses crooked.

"I heard about your new relationship," his throat is dry and his words scratchy, and together they make him bleed fresh red. "I just wanted to congratulate you."

The lie is terribly transparent and through it he can see her sigh and adjust her sunglasses. "The tabloids sure work quick. It was only two days ago that I revealed my relationship," she frowns as if this is a worry he can associate with; he crumples the white paper napkin underneath the table.

She smiles and laughs with her hand over her mouth, "but thanks for the congratulations. We've been going out for a few months now, and it took a lot of courage to come out. You know how fans are."

He smiles back and the napkin under the table is shredded to pieces. Nagisa wants nothing more than to rip that smile off her face because that is not _his_ smile (— but then again it wasn't anyone's) but she is happy and there is nothing he can do about that. He feel selfish and maybe he is, because he wants her to be happy only with him but he has to act the part of a good friend and wish her the best in her future together with her spouse.

"So why the decision to start dating?" He asks over the rim of his coffee cup and she starts, the straw in her hand splashing into her iced tea. The scoop of vanilla ice cream bobs in the water.

"I don't know," she takes off her glasses because there is practically no one to recognise Mase Haruna in this dessert shop, and without the dark covers over her eyes he can see how tired she looks. She has bags under her eyes and the ambers are dark with lethargy. "I just got tired, I guess. And then he came along and he was really nice so we started dating."

The end of her sentence lilts up as if asking a question, as if she's trying to validate her relationship even though she doesn't need to because he doesn't deserve it. He doesn't know how to reply, mainly because he's busy trying to stop the vinegar from creeping up his throat; silence blankets the two of them with a heavy quilt and Nagisa scrambles around for a topic.

They haven't met for a long time — too long, he realizes as he tries out different questions in his head that all sound terribly wrong. He glances at her eyes but she's busy trying to eat the ice cream in the iced tea.

"You look tired," he blurts out and she looks up, surprised at the sudden outburst. "You have bags under your eyes," Nagisa tries to continue, gesturing to her face and she brings a hand up to press gingerly at the skin.

She shrugs. "Acting is a tough career."

Before he knows it Nagisa is leaning across the table and caressing the skin under her eyes and she is inching back, flustered.

"N-Nagisa," her eyes are wide but Nagisa knows the truth. He can still see wavelengths, after all, and even though she is surprised there are no sudden peaks in her wavelength, no quickening of the heartbeat.

She is an actress after all.

He sits back and smiles and fibs, "I thought that maybe you were trying to trick me with makeup. Nakamura did that once."

She doesn't burst into laughter like he thinks she would; instead, she gives him a strange look and nods. She fiddles around with her straw and finished her drink.

"Well, I suppose I should get going now. I actually sneaked out of break to come here, you know," she smiles, embarrassed, and he puts on his teacher face and reprimands her for that and she laughs, and for a second it feels like middle school again, with Korosensei as their teacher and the innocent faces of their classmates and her.

She's waiting for the bill to go through when he can't help but ask: "So how do you two kiss? You know, with the height difference and all."

The bill comes back with a pen and she signs with a flourish. The waiter looks down at her signature and gapes, the _thank yous_ and _goodbyes_ and _please come agains_ stuttering out in staccato. She stands up and smiles down sadly at him.

"High heels exist, Nagisa."

He looks down and takes a sip of his coffee. He's put in too much sugar and it's bittersweet, bittersweet like the middle school memories of her and him and everyone, like her lips when he saved her.

When he looks up again she is across the street, her black hair bouncing with her steps.

* * *

Months later when she agrees to go to the annual cleanup of the mountain, he agrees as well. No one teases them for having the same answer (even though he eventually hears from Karma that Takebayoshi was going to, but only stopped because Karma was there).

At the mountain, in front of the place Korosensei died, Akari (he can finally say her name now, but even then he doesn't want to call her _Yukimura_ ) breaks it out to the class that she is getting engaged and they stop with their respective chores, shock and surprise and pity mixed in on their faces.

(Well, he supposes he can't even call her Yukimura anymore.)

Karma sidles up next to him and leans against the tree Nagisa is sitting under. They watch Akari accept congratulations from her friends and classmates, and Okuda actually cries in happiness.

They also watch the pitying looks thrown their way and Karma sees how Nagisa is trying not to frown.

He finally sighs. "You're such a coward, Nagisa. You weren't so timid before."

Nagisa rips out the grass beneath his fingers and accepts the undeniable. "I've changed, Karma. So has Akari. Ten years is a long time."

Karma snorts. "And ten years is a long time to wait for someone as dumb as you. She's just gotten _tired,_ Nagisa."

He doesn't argue.


End file.
